Change can be bad. Change can be terrifying. But change can also make you look at your life and force you to change. Some of us change for the worse and some of us change for the better. Some of us do a little of both. That's me.
At first I became an awful bitter shell of the person I once was. I was angry and wanted nothing but to have my old life back. I never thought I would be better and why should I even try to better myself. I didn't care if I ever was happy again. In fact I wallowed in the pain and fell farther into the bitter hole of loss.
Next came the destructive behavior. I can honestly say for awhile I didn't care if I lived or died. I didn't want to kill myself but I didn't care if I did something stupid and I died. Which was the stupidest thing I could have possibly done.
Then one day I asked myself why. Why would I allow this break up to define me? Why would I want to not allow myself to live again? I couldn't answer these questions and that's when I decided I was no longer going to allow the past to define me. The future is something to look forward to, not be afraid of.
So here I am. I'm 34, I'm fixing my life and I'm looking forward to the future. I have hopes and plans and dreams. I don't know what tomorrow will bring and that's ok. For the first time in my life I am not afraid of tomorrow. If I have a bad day, I know I'll be ok because there are good days ahead. This year is going to be an amazing year. I don't know why or how, but I know that I will make it amazing. :)
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