I am writing you this letter because there has been something about you that has been bothering me for quite some time. No, it's not that fact that you are a self righteous, money hungry fame whore. No it's not that fact that you were so hateful to your husband that you drove him into the arms of other women and trashed him in the media. He was only enjoying some excessive freedom from you and your tyranny. And no it's not that fact that I think your children deserve a life that is free of the media and paparazzi. They will hate you enough for that, if they don't already.
The reason I am writing is that we need to discuss your pronunciation of the word "our". It is pronounced hour, like those things we have 24 of in a day? It's not "are" or "arrrr". Arrrr is what pirates say. And even though you are like a shipwreck, I don't think arrrr applies here.
Thank you for your time. Please think about what I've said in this letter. I mean it with all of my heart. You hateful skank. :)
Yours truly,
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