Welcome To My Panic Attack

As most of you already know I have anxiety issues. I deal w/it everyday and some days are worse or better than others. Occasionally I have panic attacks. They can be triggered by huge things like being in a crowded room or stressful situations. I almost always have one when I get a severe migraine. But some just come out of the blue. Take yesterday for example. I sneezed and this happens.

My ears start to ring and my heart starts to race. Then my legs and hands start to shake. I try to start my breathing exercises but every sound I hear sounds menacing. My next trick is to try talking to myself to calm down but in my head it sounds like I am yelling at myself. I wish Zak was awake to help me through this, but I can't go upstairs to wake him. I scratch an itch and my skin hurts because I scratched way too hard. Try to smoke a cig to see if that will help. Nope. Ok let's try to eat something? Maybe but I'm too scared to move. I decide to drink some of my coffee. Nope. And that's when things get worse.

I shut my eyes and squeeze them hard together. I yell at myself to stop this BS. I wish I could just go to sleep but I know that won't happen. I wish I had my meds but I don't. That would make life so much easier.

That's when I decide to type this up so that I can share it w/you. I don't know why in that moment I thought of doing that but I did. Somehow I felt that sharing this moment with you will somehow make me feel less crazy. But now that I'm better I feel kinda silly, but I am sticking with my plan.

After I type up a mess of words that I just edited into a normal sentence structure so you could understand it, I stumble to the living room to curl into a ball until this passes. Luckily it didn't last much longer. It was a total of 45 minutes. But it's a painfully scary 45 minutes. I hate this and wish I could figure out how and why and what I can do to fix it.

Anyway, here is what this looked like before I edited it. 

Ears start to ring

heart starts to race

legs and hands start to shake

every sound is menacing

try talking to myself to calm down but that sounds like i'm yelling

wish zak was awake

scratch an itch and my skin hurts because I scratched way too hard

try a cig nope

eat? Maybe but i'm too scared to move

drink something

nope.

Shut my eyes and squeeze them hard together. Yell at myself to stop it

wish I oculd just go to sleep but I can't

wish I had my meds but I don't

decide to type this up so that I can share it w/you

stumble to the living room to curl into a ball until this passes.